


Deleted Scenes from Excalibur 6 and Marauders 6 (2020)

by NotQuiteHydePark



Category: Excalibur (Comic), New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Marriage, Meta, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22429927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotQuiteHydePark/pseuds/NotQuiteHydePark
Summary: "I just.... miss Shatty, you know?"
Relationships: Julio Richter/Shatterstar, Kitty Pryde/Illyana Rasputin, Remy LeBeau/Rogue, Roberto da Costa/Sam Guthrie
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Deleted Scenes from Excalibur 6 and Marauders 6 (2020)

Overheard in the Marvel office:

“Do we think we’ve done enough to show that Apocalypse isn’t evil any more?”

“Don’t call him Apocalypse. He’s Aaaaaayyyyy. Like the Fonz.”

“Aaaaay. Anyway, have we shown that? Or let readers think that?”

“Hmmmmm…. he’s bent every rule he can find in order to make a deeply amoral, dangerously whimsical, manipulative, cruel white dude who loves to show off, who cares for nothing and no one except his immediate family (if that), into the absolute ruler of a whole nation. Nope, not evil at all.”

“No more so than any producer at Fox News.”

“Aaaaayyyyy.”

*

“Dude. Don’t tell Tini I asked, but what are we going to do with Rogue and Remy?”

“IDK, dude. Can we have her get pregnant?”

“Have you seen our reader mail?”

“No. How is it?”

“Twenty to one against their having a baby soon. It’s all ‘let Rogue enjoy her life for a while before you give her more responsibility,’ with a side of ‘FFS don’t assume that every new het couple wants a baby soon, or for that matter ever. Rogue of all people might not want to be a mom.’”

“Twenty to one? Who’s the one?”

“All the pro-baby mail comes from New Orleans. Last name Lebeau.”

“Gambit’s dad.”

“Yep. Wants a grandbaby.”

“Gonna be awkward when he visits Krakoa.”

“If he visits. Not up to him.”

*

Rictor, in X-Druid outfit, makes green energy circles with both bound wrists. He declaims. 

“I am the earth beneath the road! I am everywhere you have ever stood!” He pauses. “I am the fire and water and wood! I am Baked Alaska and pie a la mode! I am always bad, and always good! I’m a really big fan of Frog and Toad!” He catches his breath while the rocks keep moving around him. “I’m in a surprisingly good mood!”

“Rictor?” asks Betsy, waving her bright pink sword. “You all right?”

“Never better,” he says, scanning the scene for enemies. Then he sighs. “I just… miss Shatty, you know?”

Betsy sighs too. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

*

In the Otherworld throne room, Betsy looks right at Jamie. “Brian. Our brother,” she says to her ever-distractable, wild-eyed other brother. “Burn every thread of reality on your loom if you must, but bring him back to life.” She appears to be stepping on his balls.

“Hurk-hoo!” he says, grimacing. “Be careful! I’m going to want heirs!”

“That would require someone to want to make heirs with you.”

“Look at me!” Jamie responds. “Look at my stache! I’m sexier than Tom Selleck!”

“The point stands.”

*

Rogue, sleepy-morning-eyed, looks happily at Gambit from their grove. Both are naked, shown from shoulders up.

Gambit raises a hand as if in a classroom, placing his other hand on Rogue’s lips. “What if Jubes wants a playmate or a little sib for Shogo?”

“Shogo’s a dragon now. He’s got Lockheed, sugar.”

“Lockheed’s an adult. Is he a trained child care provider?”

Lockheed wheels over the forest grove, dips, nods, rolls his eyes, breathes a jet of fire, as if to say: if you want me to babysit you’ll have to pay me.

*

Overheard at the Marvel offices:

“The whole issue’s about heirs and babies and family legacies that maybe should not be passed on. It’s about how nobody can tell you how or when or whether to have kids, any more than they can tell you who you should love.”

“That’s pretty much it. Can someone tell Tini we got it?”

“I’ll wait till she’s up and then put it in the Slack. But Chris?”

“What is it?”

“I just miss Shatty, you know?”

The other editor sighs. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

*

Back in Otherworld, the big blue mutant formerly known as Apocalypse has tiny round glasses, a scalpel, an examination table with a woman lying on it, and another unexpected visitor. Again we see them from above.

“Never interrupt me while I am working,” says Big Blue.

“That’s my line,” says Hank McCoy. “Especially in creepy bio labs. The more so as you appear to have purloined not only my morally dubious experimenting-on-people shtick, but my spectacles, and my equipment. Also my color scheme. I never thought that you did painting need.”

“Kind of busy here, Hank. I’m dissecting a magic lady.”

“Now see here, my ancient azure acquaintance. You’ve been systematically citing yourself in published articles since at least 1200 CE in order to boost your citation count. Give me my glasses and my favorite scalpel back or I’ll report you to the relevant professional authorities and the Krakoan IRB.”

The mutant formerly known as Apocalypse gives Beast back his tiny round glasses.

*

Data page format with blocks of text. Skull-pirate header.

Dearest [secret authentication code] Illyana : 

I’m really having fun with my combat skills now. Remember that Hate-Monger guy from our old Fantastic Four comics? He’s back, and living in Madripoor for some reason, and I kicked his butt. Also I saved Bobby. Again.

Someone left a copy of Fantastic Voyage by Isaac Asimov on our ship. Not sure why.I started rereading it, though. Lots of blood vessels. I don’t know whether you could really shrink someone down that way without using Pym particles. I’ll ask Nadia next time I’m in the States.

Also, remember the thing from last week with Magneto and Scott and the US State Department? I feel really bad for all those professional diplomats and Foreign Service types who have to do whatever the jerk at the top of the hierarchy says. Especially since they sometimes end up working for B-list jerks who just claim diplomatic immunity whenever they do something gross. That lady Zhao tried to claim immunity as a Madripoor diplomat. I just punched her in the jaw. Did I mention I like being a pirate?

I’m starting to like working with Bishop, but it’s still a little weird having a colleague from the future who knows so little about the present. And he’s got that thing that guys do about not asking for directions or looking things up. I looked up “Homines Verendi,” for example, because he complained about not knowing what it meant. I was hoping it meant “men are dicks,” but it seems to be Latin for “reverent men,” or “men of faith.” I liked my first guess better. Anywhere those guys are definitely dicks. I’m glad we kicked their butts and got them off our ship.

On our ship: outfits! So many outfits. I think Emma left them for us. And by us I mean “me and Emma” but also “you and me.” I really want you to see them. A lot of them are… more you than me. 

There’s a hair and nail salon on the ship too. You and Emma could do your nails together if you wanted to go for a high maintenance look. Or Emma could do us both.

Um. I didn’t mean that the way it came out.

Gotta go. There’s someone clomping around on the top deck. Must be a mutant; hope it’s a friend. Your [secret authentication code] Kate

*

[in Shi’ar space, before the ship carrying Deathbird passes through the Shi’ar Stargate]

Illyana, standing, speaks to Dani, who sits. “I haven’t heard from her in almost a week. The last time this happened Joss Whedon had trapped her inside a giant bullet and sent her on a forever trip through deep space.”

Sam interrupts. “Joss… that’s that guy in L.A. who’s kind of obsessed with Kitty and really into fake pregnancies, right?”

“I wish that were a unique identifier,” Xi’an sighs. “But yes, that’s him. Kate does attract admirers.”

Illyana clears her throat. “I’m really worried. Can you find her using your powers?”

Dani tries to read the room. “I can find her if she’s involved in your greatest fear. Or yours. Or yours. Oh.”

“What is it?”

“Got it. Oh…. She’s… She’s underwater. It’s bad.”

“Fork this,” Illyana says. “I can still teleport. Who’s coming? I’m going to rescue my g—

“Me,” says Xi’an, raising her hand.

“Me,” says Dani, clenching her first.

“Me,” says Sam.

Bobby looks around. “Sam? Sam?”


End file.
